When you have an Aspie, life tends to look like one Battle after another. Sooner or later you will realize that you (as the adult parent) need to choose your battles. These special gifts that God has entrusted us with cannot be treated as we treat NT (Neuro-Typical) kids. Due to this fact, most NT parents don’t have a clue as to what we go through. When a parent of NT kids “gives you advise”, just smile and say thank you. Then try to forget that whole conversation! They DON’T know what your day is like. God did NOT give them a Special Kid, God gave you this Special Child and He also gave YOU the wisdom and guidance to raise that child.
We’ve got a 14 yr old Aspie for whom life is a battlefield. Staying in a Matter of Fact tone of voice and speaking as a disinterested third party is the only thing that gets through to him. I have to become a councilor – even though I’m not a councilor by profession. I do have the added benefit of having THE Councilor inside of me – the Holy Spirit. Ask God for guidance. He will give you the words when you don’t know what to do or say.
Two years ago Ian’s favorite cousin killed himself. Seth was only 15 at the time. Ian had a horrid time dealing with that. At the lowest point in my life, Ian took an 8 inch buck knife and held it to his throat telling me that he wanted to end it all and go to where Seth was. I honestly don’t know what I said during that long conversation, I only know that I was praying the whole time. God can and does make a difference in our lives and in our kid’s lives. When we fully rely on Him, He will pull us through – even though we ourselves don’t have the strength or the words.
As hormones have kicked in, the battles have changed, but the battle is always there. Handling each battle with a Matter of Fact attitude makes for a much faster, happier resolution of the battle. As I am an Aspie myself, the last thing I want to do is to be calm and Matter of Fact. I want to seriously kick some butt! But this isn’t about me (I keep telling myself that), it’s about our family. As you can hopefully tell by the tone of this post, I am nowhere near being the perfect mom. I make mistakes on a daily, sometimes hourly basis. But don’t give up. Keep on Keep’in on – one foot in front of the other. A dear friend of mine coined a phrase I use often: “Take a deep breath and pray”. Sometimes that’s all I can do. Sometimes my past mistakes come back to haunt me (I gave Ian WAY too much “freedom” when he was younger) so now the “respect” battle rages.
Can I encourage you to get onto a Yahoo Group that has other parents of Special Needs kids? On those lists, I think we get it. We hurt with you. We sit back and read posts and nod our heads in agreement as the tears of “oh, I know how much that hurts” stream down our checks. Friends … you are not alone.
Life on the Homefront: One Battle After Another