When you have an Aspie, life tends to look like one Battle after another. Sooner or later you will realize that you (as the adult parent) need to choose your battles. These special gifts that God has entrusted us with cannot be treated as we treat NT (Neuro-Typical) kids. Due to this fact, most NT parents don’t have a clue as to what we go through. When a parent of NT kids “gives you advise”, just smile and say thank you. Then try to forget that whole conversation! They DON’T know what your day is like. God did NOT give them a Special Kid, God gave you this Special Child and He also gave YOU the wisdom and guidance to raise that child.
We’ve got a 14 yr old Aspie for whom life is a battlefield. Staying in a Matter of Fact tone of voice and speaking as a disinterested third party is the only thing that gets through to him. I have to become a councilor – even though I’m not a councilor by profession. I do have the added benefit of having THE Councilor inside of me – the Holy Spirit. Ask God for guidance. He will give you the words when you don’t know what to do or say.
Two years ago Ian’s favorite cousin killed himself. Seth was only 15 at the time. Ian had a horrid time dealing with that. At the lowest point in my life, Ian took an 8 inch buck knife and held it to his throat telling me that he wanted to end it all and go to where Seth was. I honestly don’t know what I said during that long conversation, I only know that I was praying the whole time. God can and does make a difference in our lives and in our kid’s lives. When we fully rely on Him, He will pull us through – even though we ourselves don’t have the strength or the words.
As hormones have kicked in, the battles have changed, but the battle is always there. Handling each battle with a Matter of Fact attitude makes for a much faster, happier resolution of the battle. As I am an Aspie myself, the last thing I want to do is to be calm and Matter of Fact. I want to seriously kick some butt! But this isn’t about me (I keep telling myself that), it’s about our family. As you can hopefully tell by the tone of this post, I am nowhere near being the perfect mom. I make mistakes on a daily, sometimes hourly basis. But don’t give up. Keep on Keep’in on – one foot in front of the other. A dear friend of mine coined a phrase I use often: “Take a deep breath and pray”. Sometimes that’s all I can do. Sometimes my past mistakes come back to haunt me (I gave Ian WAY too much “freedom” when he was younger) so now the “respect” battle rages.
Can I encourage you to get onto a Yahoo Group that has other parents of Special Needs kids? On those lists, I think we get it. We hurt with you. We sit back and read posts and nod our heads in agreement as the tears of “oh, I know how much that hurts” stream down our checks. Friends … you are not alone.
Ready for a “Meat and Potatoes” book on raising an Aspergers Child? No fluff here – just the stuff you really need.
Written by a Christian mom of two Aspergers Children, Phyllis Wheeler really knows – first hand – what works, and what doesn’t work for our kids. She’s been where we are now – from the discovery that our child is different to raising and teaching them through adult hood.
This author isn’t a Dr telling us what “we should be doing”. Nor is she just beginning out on the journey with an Aspergers Child. She’s been there and done that! She’s got Experience and experience is the BEST teacher. She shares real examples with real solutions – what a breath of fresh air!
This book gives you the nuts and bolts of HOW to work with your child. From using a Rubber Chicken (communication skills) to implementing a truly workable point system that will create structure and actually mean something to your Aspie – this book is one of those irreplaceable books.
I first bought this book years and years ago, read through it and then let my hubby read it. This book made the difference. It gave my husband insight to what it meant to be an Aspie, how Aspie’s react to their environment and gave us both hope that we could do this: we could parent a very special child called an Aspergers Child.
Just last month, someone asked me something about an Aspie child, and I dug out my book, once again, and found the answer. It’s not just a good read, it’s a great resource book. You’ll want this book on the “easy access” book shelf, cause you’ll be going back to it often.
You can visit my home on the web for more info on getting your hands on this book – it’s a must have for any Aspie Parent!