When you have an Aspie, life tends to look like one Battle after another. Sooner or later you will realize that you (as the adult parent) need to choose your battles. These special gifts that God has entrusted us with cannot be treated as we treat NT (Neuro-Typical) kids. Due to this fact, most NT parents don’t have a clue as to what we go through. When a parent of NT kids “gives you advise”, just smile and say thank you. Then try to forget that whole conversation! They DON’T know what your day is like. God did NOT give them a Special Kid, God gave you this Special Child and He also gave YOU the wisdom and guidance to raise that child.
We’ve got a 14 yr old Aspie for whom life is a battlefield. Staying in a Matter of Fact tone of voice and speaking as a disinterested third party is the only thing that gets through to him. I have to become a councilor – even though I’m not a councilor by profession. I do have the added benefit of having THE Councilor inside of me – the Holy Spirit. Ask God for guidance. He will give you the words when you don’t know what to do or say.
Two years ago Ian’s favorite cousin killed himself. Seth was only 15 at the time. Ian had a horrid time dealing with that. At the lowest point in my life, Ian took an 8 inch buck knife and held it to his throat telling me that he wanted to end it all and go to where Seth was. I honestly don’t know what I said during that long conversation, I only know that I was praying the whole time. God can and does make a difference in our lives and in our kid’s lives. When we fully rely on Him, He will pull us through – even though we ourselves don’t have the strength or the words.
As hormones have kicked in, the battles have changed, but the battle is always there. Handling each battle with a Matter of Fact attitude makes for a much faster, happier resolution of the battle. As I am an Aspie myself, the last thing I want to do is to be calm and Matter of Fact. I want to seriously kick some butt! But this isn’t about me (I keep telling myself that), it’s about our family. As you can hopefully tell by the tone of this post, I am nowhere near being the perfect mom. I make mistakes on a daily, sometimes hourly basis. But don’t give up. Keep on Keep’in on – one foot in front of the other. A dear friend of mine coined a phrase I use often: “Take a deep breath and pray”. Sometimes that’s all I can do. Sometimes my past mistakes come back to haunt me (I gave Ian WAY too much “freedom” when he was younger) so now the “respect” battle rages.
Can I encourage you to get onto a Yahoo Group that has other parents of Special Needs kids? On those lists, I think we get it. We hurt with you. We sit back and read posts and nod our heads in agreement as the tears of “oh, I know how much that hurts” stream down our checks. Friends … you are not alone.
For years I was forever jealous of any of my online friends who were involved in a great church. We had been looking and looking, but to no avail. Finally, we found a church that is now our home! A church that loves and accepts both our daughter AND our son! They have a Special Needs program where all the teachers are the best! They love Ian completely no matter what…and that takes SO much stress off of me!
Last Sunday, after Church/Sunday School, my husband and I were talking to Ian’s teacher, Miss Wendy. She was letting us know what they had talked about during Sunday School and other things that had happened the class. Something caught my eye and I followed it…it was a red ball.
Now, this red ball is a big red ball that my kids just LOVE to hit, punch, or kick everywhere. I start to go into panic mode – we were in between two buildings in a playground area, but there were windows on both sides of the playground. Thankfully, all the other kids were either gone or inside, so no one else would get hurt from this giant red ball. I called to my kids to “roll” the ball. They knew the drill: sit down on the ground and roll the ball back and forth.
That worked … for all of two minutes!!! Then back to the punching this giant red ball. One near miss– and I do mean as near as near could be with out broken glass everywhere, and I was on them – again – to stop punching that Giant red ball. So, down they sat again, this time one on a little grass hill and the other at the bottom. Now obviously, in order for Ian to get this GIANT Red Ball up the hill, it took more than a “roll”, so it escalated really fast this time!!!
“Ian”, I spoke very seriously and rather loudly. “Give me that Huge Gigantic Red Ball…NOW!” The kids stopped. While Tori walked back over to dad, Ian got that look on his face that told me I was in for a run for my money!! You know that look: “Oh goodie…I finally have mom’s complete and total attention…now let’s play!”
Ian pulled back his arm with that Very Huge Gigantic Red Ball in it and aimed…right at me. I knew better than to ignore this all too real threat – but I was at church. What could I do? I couldn’t scream at him like a maniac – ok, well, I could have but we all know what good that does!!! So I did the next best thing: I turned my body sideways (less to hit) and gave him that “Don’t you even think about it” look that all mothers are born with. It didn’t work - the twinkle was still there in his eyes. I spoke more sternly, “Ian…stop this. Give me that Amazingly Huge, Very Gigantic Red Ball…right NOW!” Maybe next time I should really think through my verbiage, because as we all know, our Special Kids are nothing if they are not literal. Completely literal. So … bless his little heart – he gave it to me…boy, did he give it to me. With it whizzing towards my head, that ball was suddenly even more Amazingly Huge and more Very Gigantic than it had ever been before! (first published 02-08)
Find Me:
How many times in my life have I seen an Amazingly Huge, Very Gigantic Red Ball whizzing towards me? How many times did I just want to run and hide? Sometimes when that Red Ball got closer, I realized that it was actually very small and I could deal with it no problem. But what about those other times. The times when it really was an Amazingly Huge, Very Gigantic Red Ball heading straight for my head. How did I respond? What did I say? Who did I turn to?
Lord, help me to always turn to You, no matter what size the Red Ball is that is whizzing my way. Show me how to respond like You would respond: with love and grace. Give me the heart that it takes to be the woman and the mom that You want me to be.
A lot of us with Special Needs Kids have “Late Learners”. Kids who are older, yet still learning to read. I’ve got good news for you: Don’t give up, they can still learn to read!
While trying to teach Ian to read, I came to the heartbreaking reality that there really aren’t any good Supplements out there for older learners. All the Supplements are geared toward younger kids and have lots of graphics and big chunky drawings all over them. Well, we know for our kids, we need little to no graphics and older, more mature looking Supplements in order for our kids to want to use them.
So, I got busy and researched and tested. My poor son had so many different designs and “here, try this … do you like it? Will you use it?” thrown at him, but in the end, he loved using his own Big Kid Supplements. And what’s better – they were fun, easy and they worked!
Ian’s favorite and therefore the first of the Supplements we produced are the Word Fans. The Word Fans consists of 30 Word Family endings that can make over 100 different words! To start out, you print and cut out the fans and connect with a brad. Personally, I made one fan for every Word Family and put them all in a plastic bag. At first, I put them in five different bags (a, e, i, o, u). But as Ian got better and better at making real words, I put them all in one bag and he got to pick out several Word Fans for that days “Fun Time”.
These Fans are very versatile. As your child gets older, you can add other consonants that might or might not make a word in that word family. Another thing we did was to take one of each of the consonants and each of the “a” Word Families and secure them all into one fan. Then your child can make any kind of word or create a “non-word”. That, of course opens up another avenue to teach about words and “non-words”.
So after lots of trial and error, we present the first of many Big Kid Supplements.
Well, if you are a Special Needs Child, color could mean the difference between understanding and not being able to read / process the symbols we call letters! There are Dr’s out there that you can take your child to and spend LOTS of money. But, if you don’t have the money to take you child to one of these Doctors, there are some different ways you can still help your child.
First, go to the dime store (or Office Supply Store) and buy a box of multi-color Dividers or multi-color Sheet Protectors. Take one page of each of the colors out and cut the long side of the page (so that you can slip the colored page onto a workbook or book that your child is working on). Now try out each color on the book and see which color is easiest for your child to read/decipher.
Another avenue to try is to go to Big Lots or the 99 cent store and buy colored sun glasses. You can usually pick them up for a dollar a piece. The usual colors that are tested are Blue, Green, Pink and Yellow.
So …you’ve figured out what color is best for your child. Now what? Well, there are several ways to incorporate your color into your teaching/living. One way is to make sure your child wears their Special Color Glasses when doing school work. Another way is to use the colored Sheet Protectors. Place them on the page you are working on and have them read/write right on the Sheet Protector.
What has worked best for us is to stock up on Light Blue paper (that’s what our color is) and print everything out on Blue paper and card stock. I’ve printed out all the Word Fans and Word Wheels on Light Blue Card Stock and put them into a plastic zip bag (with a corner cut off so it won’t fluff out when you shut it).
This may seem simple – and it is – but this simple little change takes a lot of the frustration out of learning time.
Last April, I went to our churches Women’s Retreat. I had only been going to our Church for about six weeks and didn’t know too many people, but this one lady decided that she was going to be my friend. Since our cabin (room) only had three of us, and we all worked with kids with Special Needs (or me … being the mom of a Special Needs Kid), she moved in with us that first afternoon. What a joy she was! We spent many hours chatting about how to teach a certain concept to Special Kids and asked if I had I tried this or that with Ian. She even offered to come up to the house and evaluate Ian for me - which I readily accepted!
Some of the time we talked about her and what she had been through - my, what a lot of life for one only a little older than I. Wrought with so much pain – both physical and emotional, yet her resolve to show the joy of the Lord was ever so evident. Not one to wallow in self pity, she was up and around – even if it meant using an electric wheel chair or a walking cane.
At church, the Special Needs kids all gather around her electric wheel chair, all wanting have her look at something they had made or listen to something that they had done. She always made each of them feel so special, allowing them to be who they truly are and not expecting or demanding anything different. For normal kids, that’s really neat; for Special Needs kids that’s fairly unheard of!
Then, after one Heart to Heart (our Church Special Needs Group) meetings, she pulled Dave and I down a little hallway and told us that she had cancer. The doctors had given her about six months – but she said that she was gonna make it to the next Women’s Retreat where we could be roomies again! Then she disappeared for about six months. I called and got a disconnect notice. Emails went unanswered … and I was sad. I felt I had lost my friend.
Then out of the blue, last week we saw her at church – walking without her chair or even her cane! She was back – bubbly as ever. Asking how we were and listening – really listening to what was happening. Crying, laughing and loving in her usual way! We told her about Tori and she promised to pray and then wrapped Tori in a huge hug. She told Tori that she would get her a quilt from the Quilting ladies of our church, something that gave her comfort when she was in the hospital. She called us Monday night to find out how Tori was and let us know that she was praying for us and that she had gotten Tori her quilt. Tori was so excited and so touched that someone would care so much about her. Tori made her a special beaded friendship bracelet to give to her on the next Sunday.
On the next Sunday, we heard the news: our dear friend, Pam Bunney is in heaven now. Her body had given out, but her spirit never did. She encouraged and loved whoever, where ever she was. She left her mark on me and my family’s life. One of love, acceptance and understanding.
What kind of mark are you leaving on those around you? No matter who you are or what you do, you will leave a mark on those around you. Good or bad, cheerful or whinny, loving or hateful. What will it be?
(orignailly published 02-08)
I’ve been rather quiet on here lately, mainly due to the abundance of stuff on my plate. As some of you know, Dave is out of a job – but he hasn’t been sitting around idle! Oh no! He’s quite the task master. Over the past couple years, I’ve been creating Teaching Supplements with which to teach our son, Ian. My Davie has recently taken my crude, hand cut versions and formatted them in Illustrator and also created a real web site (not just my blog site) with a store and all!
I don’t know if any of you remember Dr J Vernon Magee or his radio announcer, Bob Smith. It was 15 years ago this month that my dear daddy, Bob Smith lost his battle with cancer and joined our Lord and Savior. I remember going to the studio with daddy and watching him making take after take, getting it all just right! Daddy made it look real easy. I’m here to tell you that it is NOT easy! For a 43 min story, I recorded over 2 hours of different takes!!! Ah, but I’m getting ahead of myself!
While I learned a lot from listening and watching my daddy through his radio announcing and film making (he worked during the week for Moody Institute of Science filming such greats as ‘City of the Bees’ and all the other greats that still stand in the test of time). I also remember sitting in my mom’s office, listening over and over to these little cassette tapes – each one a different accent. My mom was the Drama Director (and Bible and Biology teacher) for Whittier Christian High School for almost 25 years. She moved on to Maranatha High School where she continued Directing Drama (and teaching Biology) and influencing many, many students for our Lord.
Early February, my mom came down with Bacterial Meningitis and since has been battling for her life (down here on earth). When someone you love is knocking on death’s door, you often question things that you should have done, but just never got around to doing. My mom has always wanted me to record for her. That was the one thing that kept haunting me. At the same time, Dave started bugging me about recording some of these stories that I was telling the kids for our Lit time for school. I know my mom wants to hear my singing voice, and I’ll do that as it presents itself. Music has always and will always be my first love, but for now, stories are what we are able to record right now.
So, without further ado, McCormick Family Ministries presents Audio E-Books as well as E-Teaching Fans and E-Word Wheels. (first published 03-08)
“Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.”
Dragons, we all have them in our lives. You know those people who just irritate us to do and say really stupid things – things that we will have to answer to God for later in heaven!
Our Lord has some very firm words regarding them in Proverbs 26:4:
‘Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
Lest you also be like him.’
Wow! One Dragon in my life is very real and, unfortunately involved in my life to the point where I can’t just not speak to her, but I can choose my actions and words. And as hard as it is to NOT lower myself to her level and say horridly mean things back, I really must not. I must try – as best as I can – to stand clear. Now here’s the hardest part: this person is not bothered in the least by all the mean things she says and does to me, but I, on the other hand, am beside myself after dealing with her.
I need to remember to follow His word and not the gut feeling inside of me. So I guess this post is to me … from God!
But Thou, O Lord, art a shield about me,
My glory, and the One who lifts my head.
I was crying to the Lord with my voice,
And He answered me from His holy mountain.
I lay down and slept;
I awoke, for the Lord sustains me.
I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people
Who have set themselves against me round about.
Psalm 3:3-6
Lots of kids need to touch and feel things before their brains can “file” the information in a place that the child can go back and retrieve it when they ask their brain for it. How in the world to we, as parents/teachers, accommodate this? Here are some ideas:
- Puff Paint
- Sand Paper
- Corduroy Fabric
- Fake Fur (short length)
- Chenille Stems
- Molding Clay/ Play dough
- Flour on a Cookie Sheet
- Dry Beans
Need some examples of how to make these ideas work for you? Well, let’s take it one at a time!
Puff Paint: Print out a letter A the size of a paper (a huge A) and you take the Puff Paint and place dots all over the A. You can dot the outline or fill in the whole thing. What you want is to make it bumpy so your child can “feel” the letter A (or what ever letter you want) Mount on Card Stock paper.
Sand Paper: Take this from someone who learned the hard way … don’t use good scissors to cut Sand Paper!!! If your hubby has Tin Snips – use those!! On the back side of the sand paper, trace out the letter you want to make. Use Tin Snips (or heavy duty scissors) and cut out the letter. Mount on Card Stock paper. Make sure and use a fine sand paper … you want to let your child feel the letter, not end up in the ER!
Corduroy Fabric: Turn the fabric over, trace out the letter you want to make and cut out. (you can use your good scissors with this!) Mount on Card Stock paper.
Fake Fur: Turn the fabric over, trace out the letter you want to make and cut out. Mount on Card Stock paper. You want to use short fake fur – not the long ones. Your goal is to give them something to feel while still experiencing the shape of the letter.
Chenille Stems: Bend into the shape of the letters. This is fun cause the kids the kids can create these for themselves. Careful if you have perfectionists. Make sure and start with the letter S or I to give them some “good job” comments before you start with the “well, that’s good, but let’s try moving this here to make the letter look more like the letter on the paper” comments.
Molding Clay/ Play Dough: Shape the clay or dough into the shape of letters. You can print out one letter on one sheet of paper … one HUGE letter – so that the kids can see what their letter should be like. Then when they are done, have them place their creation down on the paper and see how close they came to the actual letter. Make it a game – not an assignment.
Flour on a Cookie Sheet: Start with about ¼ cup of flour on a cookie tray. Spread out the flour so there is a thin amount across the sheet. Give your child a guide to follow (print out what ever letter you want them to create on a sheet of paper so they have something to follow. You know what every letter looks like – but they are still learning)
Disclaimer: do not try this with a rambunctious child. Or if you REALLY have to, do this outside. I am not responsible for the flour that you will be finding all over your house for the next year or so!! 
Dry Beans: This one has several different variations. First use like the Flour on the Cookie Sheet (see above). Another idea: you can print out a huge letter on a page on card stock. Have your child glue beans around the outline of the letter or you can have them fill it all in. If you want to include visual training, you can have two different colors of beans and have them practice sequencing.
Have fun with all these! If you have questions or additions to this list, make sure and leave me a comment! I love to hear from you!
Ready for a “Meat and Potatoes” book on raising an Aspergers Child? No fluff here – just the stuff you really need.
Written by a Christian mom of two Aspergers Children, Phyllis Wheeler really knows – first hand – what works, and what doesn’t work for our kids. She’s been where we are now – from the discovery that our child is different to raising and teaching them through adult hood.
This author isn’t a Dr telling us what “we should be doing”. Nor is she just beginning out on the journey with an Aspergers Child. She’s been there and done that! She’s got Experience and experience is the BEST teacher. She shares real examples with real solutions – what a breath of fresh air!
This book gives you the nuts and bolts of HOW to work with your child. From using a Rubber Chicken (communication skills) to implementing a truly workable point system that will create structure and actually mean something to your Aspie – this book is one of those irreplaceable books.
I first bought this book years and years ago, read through it and then let my hubby read it. This book made the difference. It gave my husband insight to what it meant to be an Aspie, how Aspie’s react to their environment and gave us both hope that we could do this: we could parent a very special child called an Aspergers Child.
Just last month, someone asked me something about an Aspie child, and I dug out my book, once again, and found the answer. It’s not just a good read, it’s a great resource book. You’ll want this book on the “easy access” book shelf, cause you’ll be going back to it often.
You can visit my home on the web for more info on getting your hands on this book – it’s a must have for any Aspie Parent!
This is my wonderful kitty Daisy! She sits on my lap almost everytime I sit down to work on the computer.
Ok, so I’m really just trying to figure out how to insert pics into my posts. Nothing ever worked before, but all of a sudden, it looks like it might work this time. I’ve never gotten this far, so let’s keep our fingers crossed! <g>
And isn’t Daisy just the cutest kitty ever? 